Drugs, man! Just say no.

So I haven’t posted for a while. Why? Because my doc has had me drugged to the eyeballs. In my last post I said that I definitely had bipolar. Oh yes, I got evaluated and I have it in spades. Oh goody. So my doc puts me on two lots of tablets at supposedly very low doses and says ‘You may feel a little woozy for the first few days’ and to double the dose after a week.

Little woozy? First few days? Try I couldn’t talk properly for over a week. I tried to say hello and it would often come out ‘Grrfzzgh?’ Walking was a challenge. I couldn’t even watch TV without this sort of conversation between my and the Old Man ( I have editted what I said so you can actually understand it. Bizarrely, the Old Man could decipher it):

*five minutes into cop drama*

Me: Who’s he?
OM: The suspect.
Me: Suspect for what?
OM: The murder
Me: What murder?
OM: The one two minutes ago.
Me: What are we watching again?

Worst of all, I couldn’t do the one thing that keeps me going when my bipolar plays up. I couldn’t write. Oh it burned!

After the first week I got hold of my doc and asked ( ok begged) not to have to double the dose. In fact I was desperate to stop them altogether. I managed to convince him to stop one lot, but he insisted I keep on the others. Another week later and I’m cracking up. I had never felt this bad, ever. Not even in my worst depressive phases. I’m having some really weird thoughts. And they are scaring the pants off me, because I was pretty sure I was going insane. Finally I stopped taking them against his advice. And when they had worn off and I could talk properly again, and I explained what they had done to me, it became clear that the drugs he had given me, the one that were supposed to help me, were actually making me worse. That they had been on the verge of making me psychotic. Thanks doc. Cue apologies from doctor.

So what does he do? Gives me more drugs! I agreed on the understanding that I would stop taking them if they made me feel worse. I checked the label when I got home. What has he given me? Yeah, legal amphetamines….That’ll really help with the manic phases. I took the first one and an hour later I couldn’t even dial my husband’s phone number. Needless to say, I am not enjoying this. But at least I can write now.

And that which does not kill us makes us stronger, right? Yeah. And I think I’m going to have to ‘Just say no’ to the drugs. I’ve been bipolar all my life, even if it was never diagnosed. I’ve managed not to go too far off the deep end so far, at least until I started the meds. I think I’ll cope better without. And at least I’ll still be me, not some whacked out druggie.

In better news, I’ve sent off For I am A Jealous God, the second book in my series to my editor and made a start on the third, tentatively titled Down Among the Dead Men. And I’m on Amazon!.

Ooh I feel like a proper author now, luvvie